A moment of rage sent me spiraling—until I realized the real issue wasn’t just them

I recently felt something really hard—real anger toward one of my close, long-time friends.

It happened in the middle of a class I was teaching. They behaved in a surprising way that felt rude and disrespectful. In that moment, I felt frozen and frustrated… and a little betrayed.

Afterward, I couldn’t stop replaying it. I didn’t know how to respond, what to say, or even what I was really feeling.

Then a mentor reminded me of something simple—but not easy:
Not everyone in our lives is meant to be “our people.”

That doesn’t mean we don’t love them. It just means we may not be aligned.

And that hit me.

Because I had been hoping I could influence this friend. Maybe they’d shift, grow, or become a little more aligned with the kind of life I’m building.

But deep down, I already knew the truth:
I can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change.
I can’t help someone who does not want help.

And that realization? It hurt my heart.

I care about this person. I see their potential. I want ease, health, abundance, and happiness for them. But they’re not ready—and they might never be.

So the question became… what do I do now?

The answer was quieter than I expected.

I can still love them.
I can still support them—if they ask.
But I can also take a step back.

I can release the need to change them and accept them as they are… while also recognizing they may not belong in my inner circle.

Not because they’re wrong, but because we’re different.
Unaligned.
And creating that space?
It makes room for the kind of relationships I truly want in my life.

But there was another layer to this:
My reaction.

Yes, their behavior felt disrespectful—but did it warrant the intensity of anger and betrayal I felt?

In the moment, absolutely. My nervous system was activated, and it felt justified.
But once I calmed down, I saw it differently.
That reaction was familiar.
Learned.
A pattern.

And while those intense emotions can feel powerful in the moment, they actually create more stress, not less.

So I tried something different.

I leaned into compassion.
I reminded myself of what they might be going through.
I remembered that their intention was never to hurt me. 

And I repeated to myself:
“I love and forgive you.”

Not for them—for me.

And that shift really brought me a sense of ease.

— — —

Here’s what I’m taking from this—and what I hope you will, too:

You can love someone and still move to create distance.
You can have compassion without trying to fix them.
You can feel triggered and intentionally choose a different, better response.

We don’t get to control people.
We do get to choose who we keep close.
And we do get to choose how we show up.

I choose to show up every day with joy.
To give my good energy and time to friends who make me feel good.
To build relationships that feel like abundance and ease.
To look for—and find—the good in all people, even those I disagree with or choose to create space from.

I choose to protect my energy with boundaries, and I choose to project my high vibes outward—to bring joy to everyone I interact with, whether they recognize it or not.

— — —

✨ If this resonates, I’d love to hear from you!
What’s one area in your life where you might be ready to release control, create space, or shift your response?
Please reply and let me know—I read every message, and your reflections matter.💗💗💗

And if you’re craving deeper support, connection with loving, high-vibe souls, and real-time shifts to feel good, you are invited to join our Joy Alchemy Community. Here, we learn and practice simple ways to regulate the body, calm the nervous system, and create more ease and abundance every day.💗
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